My mother is visibly upset with me. Reason: I did not attend a very close family friend’s daughter’s engagement party yesterday evening. Where was I ? Trying to find my own happy ending. Did I get it ? No. Not everybody is lucky in the happy ending department. Why did I stay away from the party? As much as I am happy for Charu (the girl/bride/lucky in the H E Department) I felt that it would be a stab in my chest to see everybody getting a very happy ending with their boyfriends/lovers/partners (whichever you prefer) and I am the only one who is unlucky to be forever trying to work it out with Big (who I am convinced is not bothered even the remotest bit) So i decided to not attend any such party or celebration where I cannot truly be a part of someone’s happiness because I am loathing over my own inability to find someone as crazy and bollywoody LOL as I am. I don’t want to go to such parties and stand in a corner and sulk over my miseries in the love department. And, NO I am not miss goody two shoes who thinks like Tulsi of some television show, that you should be happy in everybody else’s happiness and not even think about yours. Well Tulsi had a husband, she did not have to worry about what to wear on a date, she did not have to worry about whether her boyfriend is taking it as a casual fling or whether he is serious, she did not have to feel sorry for herself when every time her boyfriend knelt it was not to propose but to pick up a pen or any other less-important-than-a-ring object. I am convinced Tulsi never had to deal with a heart wrenching break up where her boyfriend was a bigger commitment phoebe than Godzilla himself. (Any comparison here with a giant monster is purely size based). So I conclude I am not miss goody two shoes.
I feel bad, I feel horrible when I see my facebook page smothered with announcement/engagement/wedding pictures of friends and sometimes juniors from school. Do I want a wedding right now? NO. But I do want someone whom I am convinced I will spend the rest of my life with.
My ability to choose an inappropriate partner is legendary. I wish I do not pass this to my children.
Not So Much Love