My problem with Big is….

He is STILL not ready for a commitment. He wants to make this relationship work on his terms. I feel like I’ve lost control over my life (as I sit here waiting for a man to tell me what sort of life, and what sort of relationship, I am to have). I just feel like I should tell him to away, but I love him and the mere thought of being without him leaves with in a tizzy.
I am experiencing something a lot of people must have – hanging around waiting for the other person to call the shots in your relationship. I am trying to keep my ‘anxiety’ under control when actually it’s my intuition trying to tell me what’s going on.
At this point in our relationship there should have been some sort of commitment statement- spoken or unspoken. That’s what should have happened- we should have been ‘melding’ you separate lives together. But unfortunately we don’t think alike.
I now get a feeling that he really doesn’t see me as ‘the one’. But because he cares for me, to a certain extent, he doesn’t want to fully let me go. He’s got me in some sort of a ‘holding zone’ – not quite sure where to take it but not fully committed.  Is that what I really want? No, obviously I don’t.
No matter how I deal with it but I have promised myself that I will deal with it. I need to begin as I mean to go on – with bags of self respect.
Too bad he could not make his mind up in all this time. I will work out my insecurities that stop me from expecting the best treatment.  It does not matter what he thinks. I understand his priorities but I expected the same from him and thought that maybe we could work something out, maybe a middle path. But that happens only when two people are ready not when only one person wants everything from that relationship and other does not seem to have in his scheme of priorities.
Life is too short! And I want to spend it with people who truly value me.
Me xx

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