Courage..more than anything else!

When I met Big, I thought this is it…I have met the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with. Now that…did not happen. We broke up and it has been some time now. A friend always told me that you should evaluate atleast 30 days after the break up whether you loved the man or not. I was not planning to take this advise seriously up until this morning (noon actually)

How do you know that you actually love someone? When you think of them more often than you think about anything else? or When you want to dress up for them? or When you want to spend all your time with them? or is it When you want to see the other person happy even if it comes at the cost of your happiness. I always thought these things were not practical. These things dont happen to normal people. I am not going to make any tall claims that these things happened to me, however, I did feel that his happiness mattered more to me than my own, especially so in the last days of our relationship – I sometimes felt bad that it did not happen earlier because had it happened earlier we would have been together – but what’s happened has happened and it has happened for a larger good.

So this is how it worked for me – When I started roaming the mens wear aisles more than women’s shoes section I knew I must really be in love with Big! As shallow as I sound right now but this is exactly how I got the feeling!

And this afternoon, I was trying to talk Big into seeing this other girl (Let’s call her Bee). That very moment I knew two things –
1. I really do love him – more than myself or my need to be with him!
2. I have completely given up the idea of us being together.

I am a very possessive person. I am not some jealous insecure person who would monitor every call or every SMS that my guy gets but I am certainly not open to sharing my guy with someone else. I do not believe in open relationships. So when I heard myself telling him to date Bee…I realized I loved him enough to not think about what I want. It took more courage than I could ever imagine!

I have moved on – but I love him so I want to see him happy. He needs a companion and I can only be a friend.

So, I have let go!

Wishing him lots of luck and love …

Big: You know I am always there for you! and MISS ME! xx

Bye Bye Big!

Love,
S

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