It’s all about…Happiness

We all want to be happy..don’t we? I want to be happy, even if it comes at the cost of letting everything go.

Big has a Sort -of -Natasha in life. I am trying to move on….have kind of taken a lot of steps ..maybe I am very close to  actually realizing it but let’s see how things pan out. All I could think about till some time back was to be with Big. That obsession has been taken over by the bigger good of being a better person and letting him go because he does not belong with me …he does not love me …so who am I to hold him back? Maybe I can’t even do it.

I am busy uniting everyone with whosoever loves them so that maybe eventually I will be happy. I know for sure that I will not be with any man now. I have had my share and I am done. Surprisingly it was an overnight decision to let go of the idea that I will be married to the man I love, I will have a family and will live happily or almost happily. Now all I see when I think about future (if at all I do) is me, my career, my dog and a house. No husband, no family, no bliss. And to tell myself that I am very serious about this reality I started using up all the things I had bought or saved for my wedding with Big. Each of those things I am using day by day. Opening, using and giving each one of them is like letting go of each dream I had associated with those things and Big. Things I got for big are going away to cousins, bedding I got is going away to friend’s and cousins’ weddings, lingerie I had so adoringly bought from all good places in UK is now being worn on random days. Toiletries were given to the maid and some are being used. I am letting go…even if it means starting with objects…..I am giving away my man to a woman I don’t respect. When I have been so careful in giving my things to people who I know will cherish and use them appropriately, I ask myself – Why am I giving big to someone I don’t respect. The answer is simple – His happiness belongs somewhere else. Because if it wasn’t for his happiness I would not even as much as utter her name for the lack of respect that I have for her.  When I think about all this …the thought that lingers is  – How can I give Big to anybody, he never belonged to me…How can you give something that does not belong to you…..

Tough Times
Me 😦

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One thought on “It’s all about…Happiness

  1. those are pretty big steps you’re takin, considering your love for ‘stuff’! 🙂
    I adore you Shivani Singh! You could be any man’s dream wife, and blv me when I say this…it’s better to meet and learn from all the wrong men before you meet the right one.
    At times, it’s better to let go of hope, and just let life lead you somewhere 🙂

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